fucking shit mcnugget brand
November 2009
“Chloe!” Megan yells as she looked at her room. “Chloe!”
When Chloe doesn’t answer Megan heads to her room. “Chloe.”
“Oh, were you calling me?”
Megan gives her a look.
“Sorry,” Chloe says “I couldn’t hear you over how awesome I am.”
“Haha, yes, very funny. Now what did you do to my room?”
“I didn’t do anything to your room.”
“Then why is it ransacked?”
“Oh my fuck! We’ve been robbed.”
“If anyone was going to be robbed it would be you. You have a better TV.”
“Maybe they started in your room but then they heard a noise and got spooked and ran away.
“Chloe,” Megan says impatiently, “Why did you ransack my room?”
“Are you calling me a robber?”
Megan doesn’t answer so Chloe continues. “It wasn’t me.”
“Liar.”
“Get real, if I were lying wouldn’t my pants be on fire?”
“Chloe, why did you ruin my room?”
“I don’t remember. I think it had something to do with your room being neater than mine.”
“You have got to be kidding me.” Megan glares at Chloe. “As if I needed another motive to kill you.” Megan walks out of Chloe’s room.
Chloe follows her. “Do you want me to add it to your list?” Chloe walks over to the piece of paper tacked to the wall.
“Please.”
“Oh, look, it’ll be reason number forty-nine. That won’t do. It has to be a nice round number or it’ll bother me. Hmmm. What else can we add? Oh! This morning I accidentally dropped your toothbrush in the toilet and then just rinsed it off and put it back in it’s place.”
“You didn’t.”
“Guilty.”
“I’ll kill you. I’ll kill you with your own knife. Painfully and slowly.”
“But then who would help you pay the rent?”
“Ha! That’ll be the least of my worries. I’d have to worry about how to pay for my therapist bills.”
“I’d help you pay the rent!” They hear Jake offer.
“And you used to be my favorite, Jake. You’re a traitor.” Chloe yells.
“Anything to get you to shut up. You’re always making noise during my show!”
“Not on purpose! I don’t even know what you’re talking about!”
“What show?” Megan shouts at Jake.
“Heroes. Mondays at eight.” Chloe answers then covers her mouth.
“Aha!” Jake hits the wall. “I’ll even help you hide the body, Megan.”
“Well, then.” Chloe huffs. “Linda won’t let you get away with it, right Linda?”
They only hear music start up loudly.
Chloe stomps her foot. “You all are a bunch of asses!”
“Says the person who ruined my room because she was jealous it was more organized than hers.”
“Organized people are just too lazy to look for things.”
“Whatever. Go clean my room.”
“No.” Chloe rolls her eyes. “Fine. I’ll help you.”
Megan starts toward her room. “Wait. I almost forgot about my toothbrush.”
“Oh yeah.” Chloe goes into her room and comes back with a new pack of toothbrushes. “I was going to replace it without telling you.”
Megan glares at her.
“Okay. Let’s clean your room. Only not too clean this time.”
“You do this again and I’ll kill you. And hide your body with Jake’s help.”
“I’d like to be buried so I have the option of coming back and haunting you both.”
“Cremation it is.”
__________
“Would you look at those bazookas!” Chloe points across the street.
Megan rolls her eyes and doesn’t look. “Really. You need to do that in public?”
Chloe yawns and stretches and scratches and sidesteps a woman. “Good a time as any.”
“Excuse me.” A man comes up next to Chloe.
Chloe looks at him and notices the man has a red mark on the side of his face. “Yes?”
“You should watch what you say. I was so busy trying to see what you were pointing at that I walked straight into a pole.”
“Well maybe if you stopped being such a perv,” Megan started.
“And an idiot,” Chloe added.
“Then you would be able to notice a ten foot pole,” Megan finished.
The man walks away and Megan turns to look at Chloe. “See what you cause?”
“It’s not my fault people are pervs.”
“We’re on a crowded sidewalk, filled with men who will of course look when you say ‘bazookas’ because you’re either talking about guns or boobs. Both of which men like.”
“Yes, well, now maybe next time he’ll think twice before being a pervert.”
“Doubt it.”
__________
“Hey hoe.” Chloe typed into the IM box and heard Megan’s computer make a noise in the room next door.
“Hey.”
“What are you doing?”
“Cleaning my room and watching TV. You?”
“Knitting. Making a scarf for my roommate. What are you watching?”
“Your mom.”
“Awesome.”
“Yep. So how was your day?”
“Good. Went to take some pictures earlier.”
“Oh yeah? Of what?”
“Nothing in particular. Got a few awesome ones of the sunset though. How about you?”
“Got a lot of writing done.”
“You going to let me read it so I can tell you how awesome it is?”
“Sending it now.”
“Thanks. As payment I will send you this awesome song Limewire recommended to me last night while I slept.”
“Okay.”
There was a knock at the door.
“Hey Megan,” Chloe called out. “Can you get that? I’m on the computer.”
“So am I!”
“You’re closer!” Chloe yelled and then typed, “My roommate is lame.”
“Chloe! Stop being an ass!” Megan yelled.
“Ugh. BRB.” Chloe typed, got off the bed and went to answer the door. “Hey Chad.”
“Hey Chloe, they left this package at the front desk for you.”
“Oh, thanks.” Chloe took the package.
Chad smiled shyly and walked away.
Chloe closed the door and began to open the box to find a canister . She opened the canister to find her mother’s cookies inside.
“Back,” she typed.
“Who was it?”
“Who was what?”
“At the door.”
“How do you know someone was at my door? Are you stalking me?”
“Chloe!” Megan shouted.
“What?” Chloe answered.
“Who was at the front door?”
“Chad.”
“What did he want?”
“Just to say hi!” Chloe said and then went back to typing. “BRB, you creeper. Dog.” and then laid down and flipped on her TV.
Megan came into her room. “You are such a liar.” Megan said and then noticed Chloe’s cookies. “You weren’t even going to share?”
“I was going to tell you eventually.”
“Yeah, when there was only one left.”
“She sent them to me, anyway.”
“Yes, but did you see this?” Megan picked up the cover of the container. “It says ‘SHARE WITH MEGAN’ in bold black letters. With arrows pointing to it.”
“You know I don’t read instructions.”
“Yes, which is why I ended up having to put together your desk chair.”
“Cookie?” Chloe held up the container.
“Sharing?”
“Anything to get you to shut up. I’m trying to watch TV.”
Megan shrugged, grabbed a cookie and sat down on Chloe’s bed.
“Remind me to call my mom and thank her after this show is done.”
“Okay, and thank her for last night for me.”
“Okay, if you call your mom and thank her for this morning for me. And for later tonight.”
“Deal,” Megan said and grabbed another cookie.
“Also, I’ll read your writing after I call my mother, but ahead of time, it’s awesome. I love it. You’re brilliant.”
“Thank you. As for your song, haven’t heard it yet but it’s great. You’re so lucky Limewire whispers songs into your ear while you sleep.”
“I know right?”
